


Once a Queen

by Jahaliel



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types, Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: Gen, Poetry, i see far too much of myself in her, still not over Susan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 01:43:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16863862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jahaliel/pseuds/Jahaliel
Summary: A collection of poetry (cross-posted from tumblr) that is basically me musing about Susan and her journey.





	1. Once A Queen

She wears high heels and red lipstick  
They call her a queen, and her words  
Are arrows strong and true and changing  
the world - she does not need Narnia, that  
Children’s dream that forced her to grow  
Up and then rejected her for being grown

She speaks up for the downtrodden, makes  
waves the way she knows how - seeks to save  
for her beauty is equal to her kindness  
And her siblings don’t understand why she  
Doesn’t want to go back to a place that  
Took so much from her - she has survived war  
Twice over, the responsibilities lie heavy on her heart

(It is easier sometimes to sneer, than to weep)  
Later when her hair is silver but her  
Lipstick is still red she lies down to rest  
Wakes in a forest that echoes familiarity  
She looks down at a pool and sees her siblings  
Rejoicing in a world free from pain and suffering

She blows them a kiss but she is a queen  
(Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen)  
Her job is not done and so she seeks out other pools  
To find the one in need of a helping hand,  
Of her words and arrows, and if a lion walks  
Beside her, and her hand tangles in his mane  
None else are there to see this act of reconciliation  
It is with solemn golden eyes and a breath of blessing  
It is with a heart made strong through breaking and  
A head made wise with living that she dives into a new beginning


	2. Take These Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from Susan's POV

take these memories from me  
for my body is too small for them  
how can i go to school, to home  
when i learned all I needed years ago  
when home is a place far away from here  
let me run far from these memories  
that cut deeper than a brother’s sword  
that linger hauntingly like a horn’s sound  
for I cannot bear for this to have been  
a dream from which i was commanded to awaken  
memories are all I have left of them  
of my brothers strong shoulders and sly smiles  
of the way my sister lit up when she sang  
they have gone far away from here and I am  
left behind trying to run away from the sorrow  
but nothing takes these memories from me  
not time, not parties, not work, not sorrow  
i stand a queen, i stand alone where once there  
were four and one day I will see them again  
until then i will use my memories to be change for good


	3. Still Not Over Susan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> meta-commentary in poem format

they called her the Gentle  
and her hair fell to her feet  
and her beauty was sung of

and she had to escape a forced marriage -  
she had to flee from the battles and this is  
seen as weakness instead of common sense

is it really her fault she made her beauty a weapon  
that after countless suitors - all whom she rejected  
she sought to reclaim that which she once had when

She returned to a world suddenly twelve, when her grace  
though did not depart and she would give wise counsel  
they others would not heed her - they were not supposed

To return to Narnia - they were seeking the rings of power  
that could take them there and yet this too is judged cruelly  
like it’s a failure on her part that she is alive and they are in Narnia

they called her the Gentle  
forgot that she was an archer  
beyond compare - practiced and sure

and there is nothing wrong with not fitting in your skin  
with lipstick and short skirts and boys or girls or whomever  
but no-one understood that once you’ve been a Queen

the hurt that settles beneath your breastbone whenever  
they say look how much you’ve grown up - she cuts her  
hair in a fit of defiance, and grows it out later in remembrance

And she lives in a world that despises her, doesn’t let one thing define her  
Picking others up as best she knows how - and the grace and strength and  
Love that defines her - twas not only Lucy who wept at Aslan’s death

Serves her well and I am fond of her reconciliation without bending  
And it seems fitting that her story goes on beyond the others and  
Perhaps one day they think of her and are comforted in knowing

that while she is not with them  
she is not lost; she is well, she is  
Queen Susan, the Gentle, the Alive


	4. What Scared Me...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's perhaps more of you like me who looked at Susan's story and said that this doesn't make sense. And we wear our heels high and our lipstick bright and we do not apologise for moving on from rejection and we do not let others define us. This series of poems, this one in particualr is for anyone who feels that way.

When I first read the story  
I loved Susan; her grace  
her willingness to do her best  
her love for her family

then I read the final story  
grief swamped me - I felt  
such horror at how she’d  
been left behind and alone

I grew older and as I did, how  
I raged; you see what scares  
me about Susan is that I’m  
like her - I questioned, I left

I wear my heels high, my  
lipstick red, am unapologetic  
for the decisions i have made  
if she is no longer a friend of Narnia

how can I be?

I read more, grew more - I discovered  
myself and what faith means rather than  
the trappings of religion, and through this  
I firmly believe Susan and I, we are loved

We are forgiven, we are free  
And we will see Narnia again


End file.
